Other Business Ideas

Since I already came up with the next big thing with Five Loko (Four Loko that is one more extreme), I figured I'd share a few of my other awesome business ideas that are going to make me rich:

• Hibachi Breakfast:  It's 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning, you just woke up hung-over from a long night out, and all you want to do is stuff your face with enough greasy eggs, breakfast meats, and potatoes to feed a small African nation. Why stop at the boring old diner when you can have a unique ethnic experience thats fun for the whole family! Look, this isn't rocket science, why not have a Hibachi restaurant that's open for breakfast? You can pick your own style of omelet with fillings, what kind of meat/starch sides you want, and then watch those ninja chefs go to town cooking it right in front of you on their giant stove-top tables. Those guys already know how to do like a million stupid little tricks with eggs - come on, it's almost too perfect!
• Graham Qwackers:  Just like Teddy Grahams except instead of teddy bears they're shaped like ducks. Delicious snack for kids with speech impediments. Pretty self-explanatory.
• Freak Weddings:  There's a huge untapped market out there of nerds and freaks who are so obsessed with shit like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, etc... that they want their freakish weddings to be themed accordingly. Basically what I would do is buy a giant warehouse and turn it into a bunch of sets/chapels that you could get married in. Tell me their aren't tons of people who would jizz in their brightly-colored grease-stained sweatpants at the prospects of marrying their equally disgusting fiancé/fiancée on the command deck of the Starship Enterprise, or on board the Millennium Falcon, or in front of the majestic [insert medieval building feature here] of [insert magical-sounding Lord of the Rings locale here].  Basically, we would provide the fully dressed set (of which the possibilities are endless) for your ceremony, as well as appropriately themed costumes for the wedding party. Fuck yes I want to see a Darth Vader up on the alter flanked by a squad of Storm Trooper groomsmen, or a Han Solo groom with Chewbacca best man. Brides with Princess Leia Cinnabun-hair or pointy Elf ears? Count me in! We'd even provide the guy who performs the ceremony. The captain of a ship can perform a marriage at sea, right? Well how about a captain's marriage from Captain Kirk? Have Gandalf perform your civil union! I'm telling you, I think I really hit the jackpot with this one.

Jump on the bandwagon for these ideas while you still can! Investors welcome.